Bob & Lenora Coder
Coder's Corner
This page of SantaAnnaNews.com is one that features the inspirational and humorous writings of my Mom's brother and my Uncle Robert (Bob) Coder.
My Uncle Robert and his wife Lenora live in Allen, Texas where they are retired. They have done missionary work in Zimbabwe since retiring and Uncle Robert has also written for Baptist organizations and Mature Living magazine.
BC’s Notes and Quotes No. 17
Define
Line of Marriage
love:
A groping disease for which there is no known cure.
kiss:
A delightful way of conversing without words.
bride:
a wedding belle with a special ring.
groom:
A drip in the sea of matrimony.
honeymoon:
From Here to Maternity.
marriage:
A union contract.
marriage
altar: Hitching post.
honeymoon
house: Where the bride and broom stay.
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In Memoriam
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~o~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
o
o
o
o
These bubbles mark where
Old Ollie Frank sank.
His boat got tipsy
When Ollie Frank drank.
The darkest day in a person’s
life is when she or he begins to plot ways to acquire money without working for
it.
These days, you’d better stand strait, watch what you
say, and smile. You’re probably on
someone’s video camera.
Famous Last Words
Holdup victim to stickup
man: “Don’t I know you?
Have you
noticed that Easy Street is not on the map?
Atheists will have only
themselves to blame for their circumstances in the hereafter.
Puppy
Love?
“Isn’t he cute?
Can we take him home?”
The children insist that they need him.
But when the puppy is theirs and it’s supper time,
You can guess who gets to feed him.
Friend
or Foe??
When friends stop by, my “watch” dog barks,
And growls, and bears teeth like a shark’s.
But to a stranger, he’ll never fail
To sidle up with wagging tail.
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How’s Business?
electrician: “Light.”
veterinarian: “Going to the dogs.”
sculptor: “Shaping up.”
photographer: “Clicking along.”
robber: “Holding up.”
geologist: “At rock bottom.”
elevator
operator: “It has its ups and
downs.”
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Curious Thoughts
Ø
Who does a doctor
see when he’s sick?
Ø
Why does such a
small world need so much money to run it?
Ø
Are you still a
citizen if you do not pay taxes or vote?
Ø
Are you still a
salesman if you never sell anything?
Ø
Why is there no
synonym for synonym?
Ø
Do lightning bugs
use AC or DC power?
Ø
Why do men fight
for freedom and then make laws to take it away?
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Queen’s Courtier
I am king o’er the castle every day,
Provided, of course, that my wife is away;
But, when she is there, I must admit
That my crown of authority slips a bit.
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It’s time to retire when you have all the money you
need to live happily ever after.
BC’s Notes and Quotes No. 16
Fore!
Quoted golf: A game in which a ball one-and-a-half inches
in diameter is placed on a ball 8,000 miles in diameter. The object is to hit the small ball but not
the larger.
--John Cunningham
foursome: Tee party.
golf bag: Sales kit.
teetotaler: A fellow who’d rather play
golf than drink.
Quoted Golf is what men do to relax when they’re too tired to mow
the lawn.
--Vesta M. Kelley
Nothing handicaps a golfer so severely as honesty.
What’s Up, Robin?
I
shot an arrow into the air.
It
came back down, I know not where.
It
didn’t come down, I theorize,
But is stuck up there in the smog-filled skies.
Candid Subject
Take
a snapshot of me anytime that you please.
Hold
the camera firm and steady.
But
have a heart and don’t say, “Cheese!”
Until
you and the camera are ready.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you have money to burn, you can always find
someone around to fan the flames.
A miser
isn’t much fun to have around, but I wouldn’t mind having one as an ancestor.
My
wife and I have learned to make ends meet.
She gets whatever she needs, and then I get whatever’s left over.
The
girl who puts off marrying until the boy can support her isn’t very much in
love.
How’s Business?
vending machine operator:
“Sluggish.”
doctor: “Not well.”
tie salesman:
“Knot bad.”
chimney sweep: “Soots me.”
bus driver: “All
stop and go.”
novelist: “That’s
another story.”
barber: “Clipping
along.”
spy: “That’s my
little secret.”
pollster: “That’s my question.”
comedian: “It’s a
laugh.”
astronaut: “Out of this
world!”
Pros and Cons
All
those clever gadgets sold
Through professional demonstrations
Never work the same at home
In amateur situations.
Safety First
A woman tends to drive with care,
Avoiding risky capers.
She’s afraid she’ll have an accident,
And they’ll reveal her age in the papers.
********************************************************************************
During
her teens, a girl needs good parents. In
college, she needs a congenial personality.
After that, she just need cash.
When you help someone
else climb a hill, you too ascend to the top.
BC’s Notes and Quotes No. 15
Grandparents
Just about
the time parents stop waiting up for their teenage children to come home, they
become babysitters with their grandchildren waiting up for their adult children
to come home.
Switcheroo
If only we’d known
Before we’d begun
That our children’s children
Would be so much fun,
We would have arranged
For an order reversed
So that we could enjoy
Our grandchildren first!
If your grandchildren can operate all
those computers and electronic gadgets, it seems reasonable to believe that
they can manage their grandparents too.
Springboard
Laughing and bouncing
Heels over head,
The kids have discovered
Grandmother’s bed.
Now wouldn’t it be nice if all your grandchildren behaved as well as
you remember doing at their age?
…And ‘Round We Go
The
world is mad up of all kinds of folks.
Some
are big wheels and some are just spokes.
There
are winners and losers and some are just learning,
But
it takes them all to keep the world turning.
The bad thing about coming
home from a vacation is that after you settle down, you must settle up.
Going with the flow is what makes rivers—and men—crooked.
********************************************************************************
Some Days
·Some days you’re the dog. Some
days you’re the fire hydrant.
·Some days you’re the early bird.
Some days you’re the worm.
·Some days you’re sharp as a tack.
Some days you sit on one.
·Some days you’re the star of the show.
Some days you’re the ham.
·Some days you’re a rose. Some
days you’re a thorn in the flesh.
·Some days you’re a sturdy tree.
Some days you’re the sap.
·Some days you’re the early bird.
Some days you’re the worm.
·Some days you’re the grasshopper. Some days you’re a spot on the windshield.
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Fame and fortune await
the inventor of any device that is low in cost, habit forming, and
tax-deductible.
Conscience
is like a buzzing bee that makes you uneasy even when it doesn’t sting you.
Alphabetized Definitions
abecedarian: One who has advanced in educational skills
beyond the first three letters of the alphabet.
beginner: A
nervous novice.
chaperone: A square
in the teeny bop circle.
dictionary: The only place the cart comes before the horse,
divorce occurs before marriage, and success precedes
work.
echo: A repeated (((sound))).
female: The feminine of e-mail.
grouch: One who spreads good cheer wherever he doesn’t go.
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Listen up,
All of the news these days is
bad. Apparently, good news is no news.
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It’s good to get an education, even if you already
know everything.
Expect surprises.
Be in awe of miracles.
Quoted I’m
going to be happy today
Though the skies are cloudy and gray,
No matter what comes my way,
I’m going to be happy
today.
--Ella Wheeler Wilcox
BC’s Notes and Quotes No. 14
Before I retired, I worked in a large office. I actually enjoyed my job and my fellow employees, but we were a crazy bunch. I sometimes wanted to warn newcomers that:
You don’t have to be crazy to work here, but why else would you take the job?
You don’t have to be crazy to work here, but you’ve got to start somewhere.
You don’t have to be crazy to work here, but welcome to the asylum anyway.
You don’t have to be crazy to work here, but otherwise you’d better have a good psychiatrist.
You don’t have to be crazy to work here, but you do have the right to be different.
You don’t have to be crazy to work here, but why break the trend?
You don’t have to be crazy to work here, but we do need someone to do the work.
You don’t have to be crazy to work here, but you won’t understand the system otherwise.
You don’t have to be crazy to work here, but it is the place that writes your paycheck.
You don’t have to be crazy to work here, but Management will train you.
Thrifty?
Some
people save and put away
A
little cash for a rainy day
While
others spend it in a twinkle
Whenever it begins to sprinkle.
Poured In?
Her
jeans are such a perfect fit,
You
wonder how she’s going to sit.
Itching to Know
Why
do mosquitoes buzz and whine?
The
skin they bite is yours or mine.
********************************************************************************
Debt is a prison from which
it is difficult to escape.
Those who go along with the crowd are
soon lost in it.
Embellished Proverbs
·
A man’s home is
his hassle.
·
Laugh and the
world laughs with you. Cry and they
think you’re a wimp.
·
If at first you
don’t succeed, you didn’t listen to your wife’s advice.
·
Money can’t buy
happiness. So what? You couldn’t afford it anyway!
·
Make haste while
the sun shines, but not in rush-hour traffic.
·
Money is the root
of all financial success.
·
All’s well that
ends.
One
Side of the Story
Someone tell me if you know,
Why is one stocking not a hoe?
Additionally, for one who knows,
Is “cloe” the singular for clothes?
Passing
Fancy
Lives there a man with soul so dead
Who, passing pretty young coed,
Has never turned his head and said,
“Mmmm, not bad!”?
If you don’t know that a
woman’s work is never done, sir, you’re not listening.
Some of the magazines in
the doctor’s office have been waiting there a long time too.
So
long as men are attracted to women, the trap will be baited with cheesecake.
Ever Notice,,,
¼
that most senior citizens are making up now for those naps
they wouldn’t take as a child?
¼
that a straight line is the shortest distance between a
toddler and anything breakable?
¼
that a real estate agent can improve the looks of your
home just by mentioning the cost of a new one?
¼
that a book never interrupts with a commercial?
¼
that diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but man gets stuck
with the dog?
¼
that an oil well is an ugly structure…unless you own it?
¼
that no one jumps in to take credit when things go wrong?
Seasonal Verse
This
I haven’t the slightest doubt of:
That
snow is delightful to stay in out of,
And
the summer sun may scorch a bit,
But
you never have to shovel it.
BC’s Notes and Quotes No. 13
There’s no need to worry
about fire or flood ending the world.
Long before that happens, technology will get you.
What we really need in our
cities today is a course in defenseless driving.
A lot of college girls are
majoring in boyology.
Poor Loser
The
pounds I lose,
Alas
and alack,
Quickly
find
Their
own way back.
Picture This
One
thing that’s always worth a laugh
Is
your driver’s license photograph.
Anytime you have a free
night at home to watch TV, there will be either two good movies you have to
choose from, or none.
If
you are in the shower, you can be sure it is you for whom the bell tolls.
You need a vacation at home
to recover from one on the road.
Would you say that…
¼ Adam and Eve were the first union to contend with
Management?
¼ the executor of an estate has will power?
¼ a girl with an hour-glass figure has her sand in the
right places?
¼ the objective of cloning is to have designer genes?
¼ hotel workers are the inn group?
¼ a couple with a joint bank account is check mated?
¼ organized crime is pay dirt?
Short Sighted
There
are some baseball fans
Whose
eyes are especially great.
They
see better from the bleachers
Than
the ump who’s behind the plate.
Unrepentant
After
several tries,
The
kids realized
That
their cat didn’t want
To
be baptized!
As a rule…
¼ the first one to see the
light turn green is the second one in line.
¼ people who promise to
stay “only a minute” have short memories.
¼ shortcuts suggested by
other people turn out to be scenic routes.
¼ if you look guilty, you
are.
¼ the dentist only asks if
it hurts when you can’t answer.
¼ the winner doesn’t
criticize the referee.
¼ the rainy day you saved
for will come while you are on vacation.
¼ the one who snores will
fall asleep first.
¼ the most fertile place
to grow grass is a crack in your sidewalk.
¼ your best thoughts come
after the conversation is over.
Surely there is a better
way to start the day than with the clamor of an alarm clock.
With state-sponsored
gambling, the land of opportunity has become the land of chance.
“Early to bed and early to
rise” may have worked for Ben Franklin, but that was before television.
**************************************************************************
Dinner Guests?
There
is no garden anywhere
More
fresh and tasty than mine.
It
must be true, for every bug in town
Flies
or crawls to my garden to dine.
Heavy
Words
I once suggested to my wife
That dieting should be her way of life.
She promptly gave it to me straight
That my words carried little weight.-
Coder’s Corner Extra
NOD ON
It
all started with EVE. The first woman’s
name was a palindrome. My name, BOB, is
a palindrome. A palindrome is a word,
phrase, or sentence that reads the same forward or backward, like the title of
this article. Other examples of
palindromic names are
But
let’s get back to Eve. Adam noticed her
palindromic name. He appropriately
introduced himself, saying, “MADAM, I’M ADAM.”
(In palindromic sentences, the spaces and
punctuation are commonly ignored when reading backward.) A later Bible story tells us about the first
murderer, who was “CAIN, A MANIAC.” Most
good palindromic sentences are short and pointed, like the above examples,
since longer sentences tend to make little sense.
Relatively
speaking, MOM and DAD are palindromes, as are MUM and POP. SIS is one, and so is BUB, if that’s what you
call your brother—or any other obnoxious male you encounter.
What
I find to be fun is to create palindromic pairs of words. To do this, find a word that when spelled
backward makes another standard English word; for
example; TIME-EMIT, MAY-YAM, WARTS-STRAW, or REVEL-LEVER. Below, I have listed several palindromic
pairs of words and clues to help you identify the words. See how many you can complete.
Clues Word Reversed
cooking
utensil lid (example) POT TOP
boasting
attire B_ _
_ G_
_ _
half-related
domestic animals S_ _ _ P_ _ _
celebrity
rodents S_ _ _ R_ _ _
eager
aria singer A_
_ _ D_ _ _
fish
physician C_
_ D_ _
underwater
public transportation S_ _ B_
_
smooth
understructures of ships S_ _ _ _ K_
_ _ _
naked
conflict R_ _ W_ _
uncolorful
poet D_ _ _ B_
_ _
little
bit naughty D_ _ B_
_
cozy
weapons S_ _ _ G_
_ _
existing wickedness L_
_ _ E_ _ _
intelligent
streetcars S_ _ _ _ T_
_ _ _
train
track fibber R_
_ _ L_ _ _
money-gift
storage place R_ _ _ _ _ D_ _ _ _ _
strained
or fallen cakes or pies S_ _ _ _ _
_ _ D_ _ _ _ _ _ _
kingly
light beer R _ _ _ _ L_ _ _ _
prevents
stains S_ _
_ _ S_ _ _ _
Answers to “NOD ON”
Clues Word Reversed
cooking
utensil lid POT TOP
boasting
attire BRAG GARB
half-related
domestic animals STEP PETS
celebrity
rodents STAR RATS
eager
aria singer AVID DIVA
fish
physician COD DOC
underwater
public transportation SUB BUS
smooth
understructures of ships SLEEK KEELS
naked
conflict RAW WAR
uncolorful
poet DRAB BARD
little
bit naughty DAB
BAD
cozy
weapons SNUG GUNS
existing wickedness LIVE EVIL
intelligent
streetcars SMART TRAMS
train
track fibber RAIL LIAR
money-gift
storage place REWARD
DRAWER
strained
or fallen cakes or pies STRESSED DESSERTS
kingly
light beer REGAL LAGER
prevents
stains STOPS SPOTS
BC’s Notes and Quotes No. 12
Invention Idea Box
What this country needs is…
…a transmission gear
that will automatically shift the blame to someone else.
…a taller hog for
Americans to live higher off of.
…a breakfast food that
will give kids less energy.
…an automatic choke for
backseat drivers.
…a washing machine that
will keep pairs of socks together.
…a mirror more
considerate of aging people.
Generation Gape
In
horror I note that fashion’s amiss
When
a design for a gaudy teenager
Appears—not
on a fanciful young miss,
But
upon a golden-ager.
Shhh!
The
baby crawls!
The
baby creeps!
The
baby bawls!
The
baby sleeps.
Did you
hear about the…
¼ The dermatologist who
made a rash decision?
¼ the secretary who got
fired because she was clock-eyed?
¼ the baker who made a lot
of dough for loafing?
¼ the Italian eatery that
won the Nobel Pizza Prize?
¼ the egg that heard a
joke and cracked up?
¼ the meteorologist who
quit his job because the weather didn’t agree with him?
¼ the cooking class
student whose dog ate her homework?
¼ the Marine sergeant who
was rotten to the corps?
¼ the farmer, behind on
his tractor payments, who got a John Deere letter?